Help, help, my mummy`s on fire !

Keith Lard, Fire Safety Training.

He "bums" dogs.




Peter Kay is a flippin` genius

Now the first thing you need to do is get the signwriters in...

I wish we were more like `em Barlows......at least they`re not rowin` all the time !

December 9th 1960. Can you believe it ? It`s been going that long.

From what I understand, "Coronation Street" was not shown in all regions in 1960, but as its popularity spread, so did its coverage. "Coronation Street" of course was, and still is, the brainchild of Tony Warren (still looking youthful after all these years). Forty-six years and still going strong. Will it ever end ? Unlikely.

I`m not going to bore you with the usual blah-blah-blah-was-going-to-be-called-Florizel-Street-done-to-the-death trivia, but I (as you might have already gathered) am a big "Coronation Street" fan, and I wanted to tell you all why I love it.

I`ve been watching "The Street" (as we all used to call it in the 70s and 80s) for as long as I can remember. My Mum had been watching it with my Gran since it had first been shown in Scotland in (I`m guessing) 1961, and when I came on the scene, it just came naturally to me.

The earliest storyline I can remember was the on-off-on-again-off-again relationship between Mavis Riley and Jerry Booth. Jerry, played by the late Graham Haberfield became a resident in "The Street" in 1962, living at No.13 with his wife Myra (ooh bad choice for a name). Jerry and Myra`s marriage broke up when she run up all sorts of debts, buyin` shit on HP. Since that time, Jerry had "left Weatherfield" (as characters have always done at the drop of a hat) and come back frequently by the time of his involvement with the "lovely" Mavis in `74/`75. Haberfield tragically suffered a heart attack in 1975, and so Jerry was written out, having died off-screen in (what else ?????) a car crash.

So I can state that my earliest recollection of "Coronation Street" must be from 1974. The opening titles started with the multi-storey flats, panning across to the rooftops of Salford, ending in what we were probably meant to believe was "Coronation Street", with a dog sniffing at a lamp-post (no doubt, just about to lift its leg, or worse, squat and do one of those "white dug shites" you never see anymore). This street was clearly not "The Street" for a number of reasons....

1. It was far too long.
2. There was no viaduct at the end of it.
3. Each house had full bay-windows.
4. There was not an empty space where No.7 used to be (this had collapsed, due to subsidence in the mid-60s soon after its resident, Harry Hewitt and his new wife Concepta [played by Doreen Keogh, who has since played, amongst many other roles - Mary Carroll, the next door neighbour in "The Royle Family"] decided to "leave Weatherfield" for a "new life" in Ireland - No.7 was eventually re-built by "Lusty" Len Fairclough just in time for the completion of the new outdoor set in 1982 - which was good timing !) leaving behind (as they often do) Harry`s daughter, Lucille.

It is likely that this view of "The Street" was in fact, Archie Street - a bona-fide Salford street - which was shown in the title sequence fom 1960 onwards.

So....anyway.... that`s the earliest stuff I remember. I do recall Dierdre`s mum, Blanche from those days. Maggie Jones has played Blanche, off-and-on, since 1974 (she took over the role from Patricia Cutts who sadly committed suicide after filming only two episodes). Who could have known then that Blanche would come to look so much like Deirdre ?

1974
<<<

2005

>>>

She totally hated Ray Langton, who Dierdre married in 1975. She much prefered Billy Walker to whom Deirdre was engaged in 1974. Billy was the son of well-do-to Rovers licensee, Annie Walker. Ray was a ne`er-do-well womaninser (and marriage wrecker) and business partner of "Lusty" Len Fairclough. In Blanche`s eyes, he was not good enough for her Sexy-Specs(TM)-wearing daughter. But hey, get over it Blanche, shit happens. Deirdre married Ray.

A few years later, Deirdre was "molested" under the viaduct (sounds painful), and Ray had an affair with a "dolly-bird" from the caff. The marriage broke down in late `78, and Ray "left Weatherfield" for a "new life" in Holland. He stayed there until 2005 (unless you`ve seen 1997`s Russell T Davies-penned "Coronation Street - Viva Las Vegas" video).

When Ray returned on March 2nd 2005, you can understand the disbelief of the whole Barlow clan, and the utter contempt displayed by Blanche.

s

As far as I`m concerned. the character of Ray Langton (as portrayed by Neville Buswell) is probably the most memorable in "Street" history. Sure, we all know how iconic Ena Shaples, Minnie Caldwell, Martha Longhurst, Elsie Tanner, Stan and Hilda Ogden, Bet Lynch (anytime between `66 and `83), Jack and Vera Duckworth, Raquel Wolstenhulme and Steve and Karen McDonald (great double act there) have become, but Buswell`s Langton is the one that sticks in my memory.

s

It was in utter disbelief that I read in late 2004 that Buswell would be returning to "The Street". This was the storyline I had dreamt of for years. When it happened, it was fabulous. I found myself shouting and cheering at the telly when Ray spent a whole episode unwittingly taking his daughter and grand-daughter to the hospital.

s

The delicious moment came at the end of that episode when Deirdre, Ken and Blanche came face-to-face with Ray after nearly thirty years ! Deirdre went "Ray !!!" in a voice that almost said "What the fuck are you doing here after all these years ????".

s

Tracey : "Mam, do you know this man ?"

Deirdre : "Tracey, love, this is yer Dad".

<>

Ray (in typically sarcastic manner) : "Well, of all the gin-joints...."

Ken : "Well what did you expect, Langton ? They`re here exactly where you left them."

s

It doesn`t get much better than that. Here we have a character who has not appeared in the programme for 27 years (the longest departure I can think of), coming face-to-face with those he left behind. This is now the key to the programme. There is so much heritage to "Coronation Street", that young pretenders like "Eastenders" can only hope to aspire to its longevity.

s

The 2005 Langton storyline was heartbreaking. I believe that Neville Buswell had not acted since he had left in 1978, and yet he portrayed a dying man, so regretful of what he had squandered all those years ago, with such panache and humility, I cannot believe it has gone so unnoticed. Buswell`s reprise of the role should have won him all manner of awards.

s

This is why I love "Coronation Street". Storylines like this can happen.

Here`s to another 46 years !

Two months to go (counting the days)

The Edinburgh Festival and Fringe - what a pain in the arse.

The Edinburgh Festival, and more specifically, the Fringe will be back before you know it. Is it just me, or is it a pile of shite ?

The truth be told, I used to quite like it. When I got old enough to be "allowed" to go to Edinburgh on my own, it used to be something I looked forward to, and yes, I "took in" a few shows now and again.

But then I moved to Edinburgh. From 1994 until 2000, the annual arrival of the Festival and Fringe carnival would fill me with dread. Of course, it`s good for the local economy, worldwide prestige and tourism, and this is a good thing, but the truth of it is, the Fringe is not for the people of Edinburgh. Okay, that`s a bit of a sweeping statement, and I`ve no right to try to speak for the residents of an entire city; especially one I`m no longer resident of ! Maybe I should just admit that it seriously gets on my tits.

So why am I so against it ? The first time I experienced the Festival as an Edinburgh resident was August 1995. It was a great summer; there were many hot,sunny days; it was the time of Pulp`s "Common People", Supergrass`s "Alright" and Coolio`s "Gangsta`s Paradise" and life was generally good. Getting from A to B in Edinburgh was, and still is, generally very easy (unless you`re a motorist, I guess), but all that changed when the Festival came to town. You couldn`t move. And it gets worse as each year goes by.

A walk down The Lawnmarket towards the "Royal" Mile becomes an obstacle course. Having to dodge the many "zany" street performers (like that fucker who paints himself grey and pretends he`s a statue, making only the occasional movement just to put the shits up absolutely nobody, except some poor wee four year-old - what a get - if he tries that with any of my kids, I swear I`ll kick his fucking face clean off), and the huge crowds they inexplicably attract; "whacky" idiots with flyers desperately trying catch your attention (even when you`ve got your fuck-off-don`t-look-at-me face on) to hook you in, and get you to come to their sorry excuse for a show; and those tourists who attempt to carry the biggest rucksacks you`ve ever seen in your life (the best are those who carry a second, equally massive one on their front too - I suppose it keeps them balanced). If you`re standing in the wrong place when one of those fuckers turns round, you get knocked flat on your back. Twats. Get-out-of-my-fucking-way !

Then there`s the shows themselves. I don`t go to any anymore. The last thing I went to was "...And This Is Me...Paul Merton" (which was top-of-the-fucking-pops) in 1998. "Comedy" has just completely taken over everything, but it`s not like we`re getting wall-to-wall top quality acts like The League of Gentlemen, Tommy Tiernan, Mark Thomas, Mighty Boosh or Peter Kay these days. It`s just anybody and everybody, and they`ve created a lovely wee self-serving, self-perpetuating scene for themselves. Very incestuous. Sorry, but you`ve all got a long way to go before you`re the next Jimmy Carr (jeez, it`s all uphill to become below-average). Sorry, is that Channel Four I hear knocking on the door ? Eh, thought not.

I have to admit, I`ve never even seen Jimeoin or Adam Bloom. They might be totally hilarious, but the fact is, you never hear of them except when it`s "festival-time" ! The Umbilical Brothers have used the same picture on their posters for years. Puppetry of the Penis ? I`m guessing they do stuff with their cocks - yeah, really classy. The dirty bastards. Hold yer fucking nose, and don`t let them shake your hand. But there are thousands who flock to see this crock of shit, year after year after fucking year. And that`s the kind of shite that gets on my nerves.

And talking about posters for "comedians", why is it they`ve always got to pull a face like this...?

<<<<

(you get this kind of thing quite a lot for some reason)

Okay, I guess that when you`re trying to promote your show, you want people to know what you look like, and maybe I`m not even sure what I`d rather see on such a poster, but this kind of thing is just irritating in the extreme. To me it just says "I believe I`m funny. Some of my mates down the boozer said I`m so funny that I `should be on stage`, so here I am. Please come and see me. I`m the next big thing. Honest.".

As you can imagine, I`m at the front of the queue with my 2-for-1 Scotsman ticket offer !

The more I think about it, the more I feel I probably stand alone on this. Am I the only one who hates the Festival so much ? If you agree or disagree with me, I`d be interested to hear your thoughts.

Please add a comment.

Love this photie....

Len Fairclough, Ken Barlow and Ray Langton, Coronation Street in early 1971.

Riot City Blues ?

Another "Give Out But Don`t Give Up" ?

If you`ve had a look at my profile, you`ll see I`ve listed Primal Scream as one of my favourite bands.

They`ve certainly had their ups and downs, but their constant desire to reinvent themselves has to be commended. So you`d think with a new album due out on the 5th June, I`d be quite excited. Why am I not all that fussed, then ?

My worry is that we`ve got another "Give Out But Don`t Give Up" on our hands.

For those who remember (or even care), Primal Scream`s "Screamadelica" was another one of those era-defining albums; alongside Saint Etienne`s "Foxbase Alpha" and Massive Attack`s "Blue Lines", it was the sound of 1991.

Expectations were high for their `94 follow-up. The first taste we had of the album came in the form of the single, "Rocks". It was a bit of a stomper - good tune, catchy chorus and all that, even if it was (when all is said and done) a lame Stones pastiche. I guess it was a bit like "Movin` On Up" from "Screamadelica". It was largely accepted because we all felt that this was a band who were comfortable mixing different styles and genre on the same album, and that "GOBDGU" when it eventually came out, would present us with a bit of variety.

How wrong could we be ? It was an absolute stinker. Tired, lazy, bloated, derivative and wanky 100% guitar-based bollocks. The music press (as if they really matter) roundly slated it. Paul Lester`s review in the Melody Maker ended (and I hope I`m accurate with this) in the question, "Why do we fucking bother ?". Well quite.

"The Scream" learned their lesson, returning to form in 1997 with "Vanishing Point", and again in 2000 with the furious, but vowel-less "XTRMNTR". 2003`s "Evil Heat" was quite good too.

So here we are in 2006, twelve years on from "GOBDGU". Are we about to find ourselves in the same position again with "Riot City Blues" ? Well the signs don`t bode well.
Their current single "Country Girl" is a stompingly good tune, with a sing-a-long chorus, very much in the Stones vein. Sound familiar ? The b-sides aren`t all that great either (although their version of "Gimme Some Truth" is sufficiently punky).

The album`s style has been described as "southern-fried blues" which has got me covering my ears already. I`ve heard a few tracks; "When The Bomb Drops" sounds quite good - a wee bit reminiscent of "XTRMNTR"; but "We`re Gonna Boogie" and "Suicide Sally and Johnny Guitar" are every bit as dreadful and hackneyed as their titles suggest. [post script - I`ve just learned that "We`re Gonna Boogie" is alternatively titled "Boogie Disease" - jeez - that`s worse !!!]

However, as there are another six tracks I`ve yet to hear, I`ll try to remain optimistic and buy the album. I going to close my eyes and hope for the best !

Do you want to come with me ?

The Trip of a Lifetime....

Just a few years ago, who would have thought "Doctor Who" would ever return to our television screens ?

Yet here we are in 2006 and the re-vitalised "Doctor Who" is now in its second series ! It`s bigger, better and far-more watchable than it ever was in the past. It appeals to just about everyone. My whole family love it; my kids are on the verge of obsession.

My oldest daughter was in tears when the 9th Doctor re-generated into the 10th. She still cries whenever she watches that scene. Which is frequently.

Don`t get me wrong; I was gutted when I heard Christopher Eccleston did not want to return for a second series. I`m a big fan of Eccleston; I loved him in "Our Friends In The North", "The Second Coming" and "Hillsborough". I thought he made a great Doctor, and the first series deserved to win all those awards. But I always had this sense that he didn`t feel too comfortable with taking on the role. There has always been this perception (perhaps an unfair one ????) that Eccleston is such a serious actor, so steeped in his art, that he can be difficult to work with (I wouldn`t know - I haven`t worked with him).

However, David Tennant is an absolute revelation in the role. His Doctor has the right mix of cheekiness, mania, "humanity" and insanity, and can switch from one to the other in a breath. Tennant is clearly having the time of his life, and is a joy to watch. I would go so far as to say, even at this early stage, his is the definitive Doctor ("Gasp !", say all the Troughton/Pertwee/Baker/McCoy [haha only joking about that last one] fans in shock and horror).

This second series is about halfway through now, and it has been an absolute rollercoaster so far. I can`t pick out a favourite episode.
Russell T Davies and his assembled team have really given this franchise the kick up the arse it badly needed. I bet the BBC can`t believe its luck !

The Doctor is dead, long live the Doctor !

81-82-83-84

Everyone has their own idea about when the Golden Age Of Pop was.

How about...?

1966-67 : defining years where The Beach Boys and The Beatles came of age.

1976 : the year the Sex Pistols kicked keyboard-bothering wizards, inflatable pigs and 3-hour drum solos into touch.

1988-90 : when ecstasy broke down the barriers between dance, rock and pop, and it all came together in one loved-up, beautiful rush (man).

Many will look back on those eras with great affection; for the brilliant soundtracks and the fabulous scenes that spawned them.
Of course, for every Beatles, there`s ten Freddie and the Dreamers; for every Happy Mondays, there were countless Northsides !

But we wear rose-tinted glasses, remembering the era-defining sounds and delegating the hangers-on and driftwood to the back of our collective conscience, only choosing to recollect them for Channel Four Bank Holiday Mondays "Top 100 Shite Bands" when the usual bunch of talking heads (stand up Paul Morley, David Quantick, Andrew Collins, Gina Yoshere, Miranda Sawyer, Rob Deering and, horror-of-horrors, Vernon Kaye) will pop up to tell us how "Fantastic" The Tweets were.

One of my favourite eras has to be the early 80s. If you`re looking for great pop, look no further.

The Human League - The Sound Of The Crowd 1981 : Not the first single from the Mark II League (that was "Boys and Girls" - which I do like, but many have forgotten it), but certainly the moment when record-buying public really started to take notice of them. Driven along by some nice industrial-sounding drum-machine, and fabulously minimal electronica, the League had finally arrived ! (Does anybody know the significance of "Red" or "Blue" which used to appear on some of their record sleeves ?).






ABC - The Lexicon Of Love 1982 : Oppulent Trevor Horn production from this Sheffield band. The absolute highlight of this epic album is "All Of My Heart" - all sweeping strings and faded glamour.








Soft Cell - Say Hello Wave Goodbye 1981 : "Standing at the door of the Pink Flamingo, crying in the rain.....". Glamourous, bitchy, tear-stained and gin-soaked. Another Top Ten epic single.

Depeche Mode - Leave In Silence 1982 : Beautifully understated. This lot have always been a bit po-faced, but there`s no denying their "less-is-more" approach on this track wins the day.

Associates - Party Fears Two 1982 : Never used to rate this lot.I used to hate Billy McKenzie`s vocals and I can`t say I like many of their songs. But after a bit of re-evaluation, this single (and 84`s "Those First Impressions") really stands out for me. I`ve come to realise the feel of this track is what makes it. I`ve got some old friends who would kill me for saying this.

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Welcome To The Pleaseuredome 1984 : Another Trevor Horn classic. Worth it for the 13minute+ version of the title track alone ! Oh yeah, and "Relax" is on it too.

The Smiths - This Charming Man 1983 : Utter perfection.

Simple Minds - New Gold Dream 1982 : This is it ! No matter how pompous and "Genesis" they`d been before 1982, and no matter how embarrassing and stadium-filling they became subsequently, Simple Minds in 1982 were the business. "New Gold Dream" is, for me the era-defining moment. Jim Kerr could be singing about anything - he probably is and frankly who gives a shit ? The rich production of Pete Walsh restrains a band prone to bombast (the "less-is-more" technique again) and captures them at their creative peak. The slow-burning "Someone, Somewhere In Summertime" kicks off the album and sets the tone. Other album highlights include "Big Sleep", "New Gold Dream (81-82-83-84)", "King Is White And In The Crowd", and the absolute standout, "Hunter And The Hunted". The singles, "Promised You A Miracle" and "Glittering Prize" (which gave them their first taste of chart success and TOTP appearances) are, oddly enough, the low points of the album.

Others :

The Jam - The Bitterest Pill, Japan - Ghosts, Aztec Camera - Walk Out To Winter, The Cure - A Forest, Visage - Fade To Grey, Echo and the Bunnymen -The Killing Moon, Siouxsie and the Banshees - Isreal, Haircut 100 - Love Plus One, Altered Images - I Could Be Happy, Tubeway Army - Are `Friends` Electric ? (okay, so it was `79 !!!!), Adam and the Ants - Ants Invasion.

Let me know your favourites.

Welcome to the Pleasuredome

Welcome.

This blog is named in honour of one of the most fabulous TV theme tunes ever released.

Whilst The Protectors will never go down in history as being TV`s finest moment, its theme performed by chicken-in-a-basket singer, Tony Christie in 1972, is an out-and-out classic. It is 3 minutes and 16 seconds of lush orchestration and fabulously low-rent backing vocals. It soars up above the streets and houses, and has the kind of chorus that gets everyone going.

Its kitschy glamour flies in the face of the seedy subject matter; small-time nocturnal gangsters in a world where the "strong and the quick alone can survive" and "all the low are living high"; squealers are bumped off; deals are done in boozy late-night strip joints and smokey casinos. Don`t think Goodfellas, think Get Carter or The Sweeney.

What does it have to do with this blog ? Not much.

I guess I could say that I want to take you on a journey through the avenues and alleyways of life as I see it, but that would be a bit cheesey. It would probably be more accurate to say I intend to write at length about the stuff I love and the stuff that gets on my nerves.

It`s likely I`ll mostly talk about music and TV, but hey, I might talk about politics and the quirks of everyday life, past and present. I hope you`ll indulge me wherever I go.

Your`s,
Sky Clearbrook.










"Come on Dave, let`s swim", I say....